Prayers for New Life vs Dying

I thank God for giving me the blessings to welcome new life into the world as well as to accompany the dying in their final journeys back home.

It is undeniably a joy to hold a newborn baby. On the other hand, I find that there is also a hidden joy in serving the dying and making them comfortable.

Prayers for the newborn baby
I'll keep you warm all times so that cold will not torture your little body. I celebrate with you for your coming and thank God for blessing you with life

Prayers for the dying
I'll comfort and support you in your final journey back home. Though I can't share with you the sufferings, I can try my best to reduce your pain to the minimum. I pray that you will have the peace to go on till you reach Heaven.

Lord. I offer up the new life as well as the dying patients into Your Hands. By serving them, I offer my prayers for them. Amen.

A New Dawn

Rainy night is always followed by a foggy morning...
Sleeping with my tears yesterday, I could see the mist of my soul today...















Yet, as the sun shines, the mist will soon disappear...
When I welcome the light of God into my heart, my mist, too will disappear.

Praise the Lord for this wonderful new dawn that He has given me...

A Meomory Of My Family Doctor

After fighting with acute lymphoblastic leukaemia for the past three years, my dearest family doctor has finally departed at the age of 53 years old... He left me silently amidst my busyness...

Getting the news about his death, I only realised that time has been fading so fast... I knew him at the age of six when I was his patient and now, he left me when I myself have become a doctor, doing the same as what he used to do. I am blessed to know this very doctor in my life. He was really a special person that God has sent to guide me journeying towards the path of medical career.

I still remember vividly how we first met in the clinic when I was a child. Perhaps, I was lucky enough on that day that he got free time to build rapport with me. He offered me candies and spent time talking to me while I was still waiting outside the consultation room without knowing him as my new family doctor. I was quite anxious to see a doctor then but his company soothed my anxiety. The kindness that revealed from his smile gave me a sense of secure. I only learnt that he was my family doctor when I was called to the consultation room. Because of the good impression, I did not have fear to visit a doctor since then. Even as a little patient, I would completely trust that doctor is doing good to the patients. I always experienced a sense of comfort and security after visiting him when I was sick. He had indeed played an important role during my childhood.

In the first and second year of my medical training, I always spent time learning in his clinic during my semester break. It was then I realised that he was really a good example for me to learn from in this career. My first lesson with him was about medical ethics. He explained to me, words by words, the content of ‘Hypocratic Oath’ and told me that it had been the very principle that he followed throughout his career. His emphasis was on teaching me how to become a caring and safe doctor. Besides that, he was very keen to share his knowledge. I remembered him sacrificing his lunch and spending time amidst his busyness just to teach me alone when I needed some guidance urgently before returning to my campus. I felt quite touched by his sacrifice.

As a doctor, he had been very thorough in coming to a diagnosis and management, as such, always taking his time to see patients, educate them and treat them as a whole. He had been very patient and dedicated. Above all, he enjoyed his work as a doctor without concerning too much on how much he earned. I learnt that he had treated some patients free of charge. Coming from a poor family himself, he knew how poverty was like, thus he had empathy on poor patients. He told me that becoming a doctor had been his ambition since nine years old and to give up completely his career because of his illness was a great loss for him. In fact, he resumed his work for two years after gaining remission from the first fight with leukaemia and to give up only when he was attacked with recurrent leukaemia cum lymphoma.

Before he suffered from leukaemia, we used to share many good times together. He would share with me some good books, meaningful articles and movies while I shared with him music. We always spent time discussing about the inspiration that we gained from life and he would always want to hear my opinions after I had read a meaningful article or watched an inspirational movie. When my semester break came to an end, he would always give me some useful stationery as souvenir to cheer me up. He had been so meticulous.

After suffering from leukaemia, he shared with me his struggles in fighting with the disease, how the disease impacted on his whole family and how this changed his outlook on life. I am grateful that he really treasured me as a special person with whom he could share his struggles apart from his family. At least, I was still allowed to visit him when he strictly refused any other visitors. The last two visits that I paid him really meant a lot to me. I have got a few chances to talk to patients suffering from terminal illness. My dearest family doctor was among all, the most optimistic patient. I really learnt from his sharing. He did not forget to remind me to be a dedicated doctor each time when we met or in each conversation over the phone. I had never hear from him anymore since the last phone call prior to his admission for bone marrow transplant, but his advice is with me now and it will be throughout my life.

He has really left me this time... and we will no longer meet, forever and ever. Left with me now are the inspirational text messages in my phone that he sent me in the past, some souvenirs that he had given me before and a meaningful article that he had written... The most important of all, he had left with me a very good example to follow.

My dearest family doctor, I thank you so much for everything that you have done for me. I learnt from you that a small and simple act of kindness sown with a sincere heart may have brought inspiration to someone without realisation. Your dedication has inspired me to do the same to my patients. I will remember your advice forever. May your soul rest in peace. Till then, we meet again in Heaven.

P/s: He was the oldest candidate for bone marrow transplant in Malaysia. The marrow transplant had been successful. Unfortunately, he died of interstitial pneumonia. He had fought with leukaemia till the end of life, spending up almost all his savings, selling cars and house. He left his wife with four children. The eldest son is currently a second year medical student. Two daughters, one is going to take up pharmacy, another to take up nutrition while the youngest son has just started secondary school. Pray for them for the strength and courage to cope with future challenges in life.

A Doctor's Love

God send different people into our life... Some to love us, some to help us, some to test us...

In my ordinary life, He has given me a big surprise by sending me a compassionate family doctor who loves me, who has inspired me and has been guiding me.

My first visit to his clinic as a child has been a beautiful memory... Whenever I reflect on these scenes, I always feel very touched. Being a compassionate doctor, he has abundant love for his patients. In my first visit, he even took his time to talk to me. His kindness has given my little heart an assurance that a doctor is not to do harm on his patients. Because of his love, I was not afraid to see him whenever I was sick.

Without my realisation, God has kindled in me an inspiration through all these good experiences. After joining medical course, I decided to learn from him. I would go to his clinic for my learning whenever there was a semester break.

I would never forget the first lesson that I had in his clinic. Instead of teaching the high five medical knowledge, he emphasized on how to be a good and compassionate doctor who practice based on Hippocratic Oath and medical ethics. He is such a generous doctor who is always willing to share his knowledge and experiences, always spending his time to educate patients. I feel priviledged that I could learn from his precious experiences which could not be found from books!

Apart from teaching medical stuffs, he also instilled in me some good values by recommending me some articles and movies. I remember I had to give him opinions after reading or watching the recommended articles or movies. My learning in his clinic had been an enjoyable one. Always, on the last day of my learning in his clinic, he would present me some useful stationeries as souvenirs. This always gave me consolation amidst my blue feelings for new semester. He has been so meticulous and understanding as a person.

I still remember a touching incidence that happened when I was in first year of medicine. I had difficulty to understand about the principle of electrocardiogram (ECG) though having attended a lecture about ECG. Feeling worried, I visited my family doctor to seek for helps during the weekends. It was one day prior to chinese new year eve. There were many patients queuing up to see him. Despite all busyness, he still spent time teaching me. He sacrificed his free time and even his lunch just to teach me! I felt quite guilty for that but his kindness really touched me.

I thank God for sending such a big angel into my life. I would always look forward to for the learning sessions during my semester break. Each time before I went to his clinic for learning, I would send a request and every time my request was happily fulfilled until I was in second year of medicine.

As usual, I sent a request to him during a semester break in second year. This time, however, I was told that he was on a long holiday. In his reply, he appreciated my burning request for learning and even advised me to be a compassionate and caring doctor in future. It was a surprise to have read all these words. I only learnt that he was diagnosed of acute lymphoblastic leukaemia after some time...

It was a big shock for me as I knew that he was diagnosed of leukaemia... It was incredible that a healthy man would be diagnosed of leukaemia out of blue! How can God make such a joke!... I knew that as a normal response, my family doctor would have also gone through all these stages of grief. However, different from many a cancer patient, he has never let his grief forever govern his life and never surrender to cancer. Instead, he remains to be optimistic and learns a positive way to fight with leukaemia.

He has suffered different kinds of pain all these years in fighting against leukaemia and still, he did not give up when he was diagnosed of relapse of leukaemia cum lymphoma in which the prognosis was not so good. Because of his optimism and strong determination, he managed to survive twice from his illness. From his face, I could not find any sorrowful expression. Despite being sick, his tone of voice has still been energetic. On him, I saw hope and I saw life. His determination has taught me not to give in to challenges in life.

Being a cancer survivor, he becomes more understanding. He learns that every living day is precious and health is the greatest blessing in life. He treasures all his friendships and the love and supports from all his family members. His experiences has taught me a good lesson in life.

As I become a doctor soon, I'll always keep in mind all his advices, especially how to become a good doctor, that is, apart from having a competent IQ and EQ, being professional and ethical and coming to the right diagnosis and appropriate treatment; compassion, down to earth, tender loving care, human touch and good communication skills are all the qualities that should not be neglected. Yes, doctor! I will keep in mind all these and practice it in my medical career.

As I am about to start my career as a doctor, my family doctor will take the risk again in fighting cancer. He is going to have a bone marrow transplant soon. I pray that there will be a miracle for him again. All the best to you, doctor and thank you for being such a special person in my life.

Labour

One of the postings that many medical students would look forward to is obstetric and gynaecology posting. It is because in that posting, we have the chance to welcome new life into the world.

I first witnessed labour when I was a forth year medical student. Seeing every mother had to endure such a great pain yet never lost her courage in the labour, I had to pay my highest respect to every mother in the world.

In a labour, the pain that they have to endure is hours and it is getting more and more intense. Labour is not a process that without risk. Some mothers may have to endure more pains in the labour. Some even experience life-threatening condition.

Knowing that it is a painful and risky process, a mother still takes the risk to give birth. What has motivated them? I only began to understand when I witnessed labour for the first time in my life. It is an unconditional love that motivates every mother to take the risk.

At the end of the labour, a mother would be exhausted but she would experience joy and forget about the sufferings that she has endured. I saw some mothers even shed the tears of joy when she first saw the fruit of her womb. I still feel touched to see one of these scenes.

Seeing labour has helped me to realise that a mother's love is unconditional and that every life is precious. I remembered telling my mom that she is a great mother after I had seen labour for the first time.

God Has His Time

In everything that we pray for, God has His time to answer it. I did not know this until I myself experienced a few incidences.

I did quite lousy in my studies when I was a third year medical student. I simply did not know how to learn efficiently. The worst thing that I faced was I did not know what I knew and what I did not know.

Diseases on cardiovascular system was one of the system that I did not understand properly. My daily learning in the ward only told me that diseases on cardiovascular system were about chest pain, heart failure and heart murmur. I always had the sense that I had so much I did not know regarding this subject but I just could not tell exactly what else I needed to know.

One week prior to Professional Exam II, I had a mock exam. I was asked to examine a patient with heart murmur. With me was the consultant cardiologist. I was fooling myself in front of him. Because I did not understand properly about the diesease, I gave him stupid answers to all his questions. As a result, I was failed.

The failure made me feel so bad about myself, but it enkindled a strong will in me. I told myself that I would not allow myself to be so blur again when I went to final year.

Knowing that I was so weak in cardiovascular system, I decided to do my elective posting in cardiology department. There was a six weeks elective posting at the end of forth year and we were allowed to choose our interested posting and ideal hospital. I decided to do cardiology, neurology and radiology posting each for two weeks in Singapore.

I applied for all the postings one year earlier and throughout my forth year studies, I had been praying hard everyday for the oppoturnity to learn in Singapore. In order to go for the elective posting, I had to pass in all four postings during my forth year which include obstetric & gynaecology, paediatrics, psychiatry and family medicine & community health.

I prayed every now and then for my intention, reciting Rosary and joining Divine Mercy prayer meeting. I am grateful that God answered my prayers eventually. My applications to all these three departments were successful and I managed to pass all my postings in my forth year studies.

I did not know God's grace can be so sweet until I went to Singapore for my postings. I was very anxious one day before my posting in cardiology because I had so many things that I did not understand and I expected to be scolded throughout my learning.

However, what I experienced was totally the opposite of what I expected. I was well treated throughout my learning in all three postings! The registra in cardiology did not look down on me for my poor knowledge, instead, he spent his precious time in teaching me. Under his guidance, I began to understand things clearly. I spent two weeks in cardiology joining different clinics and observing different procedures. I found that I learnt many times more within the two weeks there compared to the past two years! At the end of the second week, I was no longer afraid of seeing a patient with heart problem and reading his ECG. The learning in cardiology department had increased my confidence in studies. I felt very touched by God's grace for me.

When I went to final year, my first posting was internal medicine. I found that one of my group's lecturers was the consultant cardiologist who failed me previously. On the first day of our posting, he expected us to clerk all the patients in the cardiology ward and presented to him during his ward round on the following day. Many of my group members felt very stressed with this assignment but I did not feel the same because the two weeks cardiology posting had given me confidence.

Throughout my learning in medicine, I had never been praised, but, I had my first experience during the cardiology ward round that day. The consultant cardiologist who failed me previously was impressed by my presentation.

I thanked God for all the wonders that He has done for me. He is a good God who knows our needs. From the experience in learning cardiovascular diseases, I learnt that God has His time for everything. It is very fast for Him to turn a poor into rich.

Coincidence?

Have you ever experienced a few coincidence in one occasion? If you have, I would tell you that this is God at work in your life.

One Sunday when I was still a forth year medical student, I met one couple who encouraged me to go for a inner healing retreat when I was just about to leave the church. In my curiosity, I had a look at the form and found that it was held in Genting in the following week which would involve Thursday to Sunday.

I was eager to join the retreat but if I did, I would have to skip my class on Friday. I felt quite anxious to tell my parents that I had to sacrifice my lectures in order to join the retreat. I was in a dilemma in making decision. So, I prayed hard for discernment if this was His plan for me to join the retreat.

God knew my needs to be healed. After praying for two days, I boldly told my parents about my need to go for the retreat. Surprisingly, they encouraged me instead of questioning about my decision.

With a joyful heart, I then went for the four-day retreat and I lifted up my studies onto God's hands.

Thank God, attending that retreat was a gain for me rather than a loss. There, I learnt more about inner healing and some of my hurts were healed after prayers. I felt refreshed after attending the retreat.

When I was about to go back for my new challenging week, I received a message from my group leader that I needed to complete my Powerpoint slide for presentation by the coming Friday. Besides that, I had to submit my case report by Friday and that week would be my turn for case presentation in the ward.

Knowing that the works accumulated in front of me was hectic, I prayed hard to God when I got back to my place.

The next morning before I started my work, I prayed to God, seeking for His grace again. That Monday was the first day that I was posted to paediatric surgical ward. My task for that day was to find a case which was good for discussion.

As I walked around the ward, I prayed in my heart asking God to bring me to the suitable patient for clerking. Without going through all the case notes, I came to a 10 year-old boy who complaint of a rapid growing mass in his abdomen. I then started to clerk his father regarding the boy's health condition and I managed to examine that little boy. He had got a big mass in the abdomen by the time when he was referred to this hospital and he was just admitted to the ward when I approached him.

After finishing my clerking, the consultant came for ward round. He told us that he wanted this case to be presented in his teaching in that evening. Oh, thank God for choosing the exact case for me to clerk. If I approached other patient earlier, I would have to clerk that particular patient again.

The diagnosis for the that little boy was 'Wilms tumour', which is a rare disease. It was exactly the same topic that I was preparing for my Powerpoint slide presentation! I had done some reading about this disease the night before, so, I was not too stressed when I had to present that case in that evening. Again, thank God for reducing my burdens. 'Wilms tumour' was a difficult topic for me. However, through seeing the real patient, I seemed to understand it better and I knew that the discussion with consultant in that evening would give me more useful input for my Powerpoint presentation later.

Praise the Lord, I had a fruitful learning that day. With a better understanding about the disease, I managed to complete my presentation slides that night.

Then, I focused on writing my case report. Amazingly, I was told that it was a must that we handed in a surgical case report that week! Thank God again, on my hand was a good surgical case which I had presented to the consultant! Without spending extra effort, I had found suitable case to write my case report. The time saved during that week enabled me to revise on other topics.

I thank God for that beautiful week which was full of His amazing grace. It seemed that many coincidences had happened in that experience, but I knew that it was God at work. He is a God of wonder who is ready to help us whenever we turn to Him.